Catch up

I have been taking a lot of crap for not posting this weekend--from one person in particular (which is interesting because I was with her most of the weekend so it's not like she doesn't know what I was doing). So let's just get right to it:

1. I don't even want to talk about Johnny Carson dying. I can hardly deal with it. When I found out yesterday, I totally lost it. He was amazing, and I am so sad he is gone. Everyone should go out and buy the Best of Johnny Carson DVD set. It is hysterical. We miss you, Johnny!!

2. On Thursday I received in the mail B's rent check for February (oh hell yeah he still pays rent). He sent it to me in a Christmas card that said, "Wishing you and yours a joyful Christmas season!" I'm assuming the "yours" is referring to the TV since I no longer have an effing roommate. Sidenote to B: YOU were supposed to be the "yours", you stupid abandoning mofo.

On the inside of the card, B wrote: "I'm sorry. Love, B" So hey-all better!! Whoosh-I'm so glad we got that all cleared up. He's sorry, you guys, so now it doesn't hurt anymore. Seriously, though, I never imagined it would hurt this much. I thought I would be feeling better by now, but I am only feeling worse. It is ridiculous how sad I am. I actually feel guilty for being so sad since in the big scheme of things, this isn't that important. Remember in "Steel Magnolias" after the funeral Sally Field says she wants to hit someone until he or she feels as bad as she does? That is how I feel. Except I really only want that person I hit to be him.

3. Despite my above comment I am not a violent person. I mean I tell a lot of people that I am going to punch them (including my boss last week-nice), but really the only thing I could ever do is flick someone's forehead. It's just not in me to fight. Plus I am really a big wuss. However, when provoked, I will get pissed. Saturday's football game was such an event. The team we played thinks they are in the NFL so they are all serious about it. This is football, baby-no mercy. Well, this one girl who we will call Green Pants could not have been meaner or uglier (seriously), and I didn't have time for it.

She made snide comments the entire time for absolutely no reason, and then she called Boobs McGee a bitch, and that is where I draw the line. I said to her, "Hey-you don't need to be calling anyone names over here. It's rec football." (I'm so tough). Then like 30 seconds later, another snide comment directed at Meg who is the nicest, most harmless person on Earth. I said, "Alright just stop." Her reply? "Fuck you!" Very classy. Then Woody yelled out, "Hey, Sarah-cover the girl in the green pants!" and she goes, "Oh, I'm reeeeaaaallly scared." I said, "Just what is your problem?" and she said, "You are!" because apparently she is in the 3rd grade. More bitchy comments followed, and I regretfully let loose some obscenities in her direction. I try not to resort to swearing, but seriously she is a stupid bitch-hor.

Then it was halftime, and afterwards, every other girl on the team was being super, super nice to us. I'm sure it's because they hate her, too. It's so obvious they felt bad. I was good and just let everything go, and then we all went to shake hands after the game (they won), and she didn't shake anyone's hand because she is a mean, bitter wench who's own team hates her. If you are reading this, Green Pants, you are not a nice person, and if you ever say mean things about my friends again, I will kick you square in the jaw and then punch you right in the babymaker, and I am not even kidding.

4. Does anyone else miss old school Chevy Chase? I watched "Fletch" the other day, and he is so effing hilarious in that movie. I miss him.

5. I watched "The Growing Pains Movie" yesterday. The ugly son (Ben) has gotten uglier. John said that at this pace in 10 years he will be the ugliest human on Earth. I got a little teary-eyed when they played a slow instrumental version of "As Long as We Got Each Other" during the heartfelt moments. That might be my favorite TV theme song. I don't know-I need to think about this. But it's definitely top 5. By the way, I miss the pre-born-again Kirk Cameron.

6. I also watched "The Lost Boys" yesterday. How fucking cool is that movie? It is definitely the best vampire movie ever. I can't even count the number of sleepovers I had that included watching that movie. My friend Kelly and I used to watch it twice a day. It has all the elements of a great film:

• both Coreys (if you don't know who I'm talking about, you can just get the hell out)
• scary music sung by children ("Thou shall not fall....")
• funny and scary
• not so much gore that I wanted to upchuck the entire contents of my stomach
• a weirdo grandpa who acts aloof but knows everything
• awesome dog
• a rare turn by Keifer Sutherland as the bad guy
• this line:
  Keifer: It's too late, Michael. My blood is in your veins.
  Michael: So...is...mine!!!!!! (impales Keifer on deer antlers) Effing-A awesome.

If you're mad that I just gave away part of the ending, maybe you should get off your ass and rent the movie already since it's been out for 18 years.

7. I missed you guys.